


Kill For This

by DesignatedDark



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Universe, Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Force Bond (Star Wars), Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, HEA, Hurt/Comfort, Plot, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pregnancy, Protective Kylo Ren, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Reylo - Freeform, Sex, Slow Burn, Spooky, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), Tropes, no beta we die like men, one sided Rey/Original Male Character, the knights of ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:55:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29664855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesignatedDark/pseuds/DesignatedDark
Summary: Post Crait, Rey struggles to adapt to her new life with the Resistance and believing the bond between her and Ben is gone. She tries to move on but can’t let the past die.Kylo and the Knights of Ren focus on collecting relics of a dead religion and hunting the Scavenger while a malevolent presence in the Force beckons.Meanwhile, Armitage Hux has his eyes set on the annihilation of anything standing between the First Order and total control of the galaxy.This is not going to go the way you think.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Poe Dameron/Original Female Character(s), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 10
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new story! This first chapter is just a little teaser, the rest will be longer. I anticipate between 30-40 chapters and around 70k words. I’ll try to update a few times a week. No beta. 
> 
> The rating will probably get bumped up...
> 
> It’s going to be a doozy folks - original characters, canon and legend mixed, plotty, spooky, sexy, fluffy... Enjoy!

The stars were still glowing brightly in the midnight sky when Death came for Rey. 

Four wraiths descended upon the battered Resistance base in unnatural silence, their blood encrusted boots upsetting the rich flora with every determined step. They don’t utter a single word - they didn’t need to. Their minds were filled with the same solitary thought.

_Kill the Jedi_.

They found the maintenance door of the hangar unlocked, as expected, and pressed forward into the facility. With their presence in the Force muted, the group reached out as one for the signature of Skywalker’s final padawan. It seemed fainter than expected for such a supposedly powerful Force user. Maybe she wasn’t anything special after all...

  
  


_There - to the left. The last room._

  
  


One black helmed figure eagerly slid forward and approached the door, the last obstacle keeping the little sand rat from their wrath, and ripped the offending object from the wall. Bloodlust writhed through the Knight’s veins as he stepped into the room -

\- to find it empty. 

  
  


_“WHERE IS SHE?!”_ Acheron Ren bellowed into the cramped quarters. His rage at the thought that the little bitch had managed to elude them threatened to consume him entirely. He would make her pay… he would make each and every one of the rebel trash choke on their own blood, burn their pathetic base to ashes… and he’d save her for last...

“We need to get out of here _now_! We’ll get her, we will, but Kylo is going to notice where we are if you keep projecting that shit and wonder why we directly disobeyed his orders! Now let’s get the kriff back to the ship!”

Acheron reigned his emotional turmoil back in as swiftly as possible at Malacoda’s reminder of their Master’s wrath. If Kylo discovered their deceit before the deed was done, none of them would survive.

The quartet retraced their steps back out of the base with practiced stealth and maneuvered their inky black ship back toward the stars.

  
  
  
  


Acheron’s face split into a sinister grin as they entered hyperspace.

  
  
  


It was only a matter of time.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey was wrenched into wakefulness with a ragged sob still clinging to her chapped lips. The well-worn material of her sleeping tunic was again soaked in sweat and fresh tears. The last tremblings of her nightmare slipped away with each ragged intake of breath and she let out a silent prayer to R’iia that she hadn’t woken anyone else up this time. 

That’s why she was really placed in a new room wasn’t it? The General had said it was for her comfort - that a _Jedi_ needed privacy - but Rey had heard the hushed remarks and saw the tired eyes dart away from hers. She knew some of the Resistance members in the shared barracks had been complaining about her night terrors keeping everyone unsettled. 

As if anything about this life could feel _settled._

She wasn’t ungrateful for the privacy of course and it wasn’t as if she slept any better in the barracks anyway. There were always too many people, too many sounds and smells and the constant movement from shift changes made her too uneasy to let her guard down. When she mentioned her worries to Finn he confessed he felt the opposite; he still couldn’t quite relax without the sound of ion engines and the march of patrols at perfectly timed intervals lulling him to sleep. 

Sometimes she wished the issues that plagued her nighttime hours could be solely blamed on the abrupt change in her living conditions, but the nightmares revealed what truly plagued her. It wasn’t like she had never experienced them before coming to the Resistance, but on Jakku they were always the same. She would be five years old again, watching the ship carrying her parents abandon her over and over again. Steelpeckers and larger scavengers would take everything from her and she’d be left without enough water to even produce tears to accompany her sobs. The visions would end and she’d commemorate it the way she did every other time - by adding another tally to her wall of loneliness. 

Now though, the nightmares take a different form. In some she’d be in the middle of the fight with the Praetorians and watch _him_ leave his mother and the fleet to die. In others she found herself peering down at his prone form bleeding out in the snow while she sliced him open. She watched him run his father through with a crackling crimson blade and carve a jagged line up Finn’s back. Reliving those memories always left her choking for breath with tears streaming down her face night after night.

But those weren’t the nightmares that haunted her. The ones that rattled her to her core and left her desperately casting out for _something_ to ground her were focused on a very specific dark phantom. A shadow that took on the image of Ben, his hand outstretched to her with hope and longing, offering everything she wanted yet nothing she wanted. Her dream self would reach out in vain, trying to feel skin touch skin and explain that she didn’t want that power or the galaxy. She had wanted to take his hand, but not the throne it was tied to.

So she screamed. Piercing wails filled to the brim with her regret and her anger and the loneliness he forced her to return to. Those were the agonized cries that ripped the rest of the base into unwelcome consciousness. The sound of a heart torn in two, longing to be mended together again.

Nights like tonight she had to fight harder than usual not to reach out for the bond. It had lain dormant since Crait and she wasn’t sure if that made her feel more like rejoicing or mourning. Maybe Snoke had been telling the truth about the bond’s creation and seeing him kneel on the floor in front of the Falcon was just a fluke; a final blip of his power before he became one with… well, with whatever Darksiders go to when they depart the mortal world. 

So she hadn’t reached out and neither had he. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that either. 

Rey had somehow ended up alone again, when he told her she wasn’t. She was finally surrounded by the friends she had always dreamed of… yet a different kind of loneliness was steadily eating away at her.

  
  
  
  


A muffled knock at the door drew her attention back to the physical world.

  
  


“Rey?” Tanda’s voice was a comforting reminder that she wasn’t still that abandoned little girl trapped on Jakku anymore. She flicked open the door with a light nudge from the Force and shot off a look she hoped seemed apologetic. The taller woman crossed her arms over her slim frame and leaned back against the wall. She raised one dark eyebrow at Rey.

“Sorry for waking you Tan, I can change my shifts in the hangar to whenever you want to sleep so I won’t disturb you-”

“Hey Rey, none of that! I was already up and you are _very_ aware that I do my own share of horrible impromptu neighbor wakeups so don’t beat yourself up.”

Rey couldn’t help but grin at the woman. They were both desert creatures who struggled with leaving the sand behind in more ways than one. Tanda had arrived at the Resistance base a few months earlier with an older woman after their small village was destroyed by the First Order (“ _Tan”-duh like the glow from the sand,_ she’d said, _not “Taun”-duh like those horrible smelly Hoth beasts_ ). Unfortunately, the older woman had been too frail to overcome the damage both mentally and physically and had succumbed shortly after with Tanda at her side. She still carried that aura of loss with her and Rey felt it mirrored some of her own. Their desert upbringings meant both were constantly freezing, constantly hiding out when they felt too crowded and getting defensive when people came too near. When Kaydel mentioned bringing in some of the local flora to lighten up her quarters they had both rushed to acquire as many varieties as were deemed at least somewhat “safe”. Rey had been mostly successful with learning and adapting to each green living thing’s needs but Tanda was significantly less fortunate... resulting in Rey carefully averting her eyes whenever the other woman carried another dead specimen from her quarters. 

“Speaking of late night visitors… how’s my favorite pilot?” The woman was an incredibly skilled pilot, matching Poe on even his riskiest maneuvers but somehow making them look both graceful and not _completely_ reckless. It was no surprise that the cocky fighter had fallen curls over boots for her and watching him follow her like a lovesick puppy was a near daily activity ever since. Tanda was certainly more attractive than Rey, with skin the color of cream and caf perfectly swirled together and deep brown eyes that lit up with inner fire whenever she spoke of something she was passionate about. When the two women were together the focus would naturally shift to Tanda… and while Rey secretly considered being invisible a blessing, she would be lying if she didn’t admit she was jealous. The only person who had ever made her feel like she deserved (and wanted to be) their sole focus of attention was… _no! Get it together you happabore ass!_

“You just keep pretending I’m not your favorite! Poe is Poe. He’s bummed Finn’s been ditching him lately but I keep reminding him that _he_ has been ditching him to hang out with a certain other incredibly amazing individual sooo he can’t really be upset.” Tanda made a little show of flipping her curly hair over her shoulder and winking, eliciting an eyeroll and barkedl laugh from Rey. It was no secret what Dameron and Tanda got up to afterhours, and Rey did her best not to listen in on any particularly _amorous_ sessions.

“Poe’s extremely humble influence is certainly rubbing off! But seriously, I can’t remember the last time I saw Finn without Rose. Not that I’m complaining, but it seems like everyone is pairing off around here lately.”

The other woman’s gaze turned playfully predatory as she approached Rey’s small cot.

“Maybe we just need to find you someone of your own? Hmmm, maybe someone tall, dark and handsome?” Rey must have made a startled face because Tanda quickly changed gears. “Ok, ok, short, translucent and ugly. Got it.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively at Rey and both girls exploded into a fit of belly laughs, not stopping until tears streamed from their eyes and they were both gasping for breath.

“Definite pass on that incredibly attractive mental image and anyway I’m not looking.” She stared down at the threadbare blanket half draped across her lap and absolutely did not think of a _tall, dark, handsome… nope - decidedly NOT looking…_

_… but maybe that’s because she’s already found him._

Why was she getting all worked up over someone she’d likely never even see again? She needed to clear her traitorous mind. As if sensing the opening, her stomach gave one of its signature Starship-sized growls and she realized with a wince that she had skipped dinner the night before. The expression on Tanda’s face when she met her eyes again was one of understanding - and empathy. Because her sand sister had known that hunger too. 

“Why don’t you head down to the mess hall and I’ll meet you over there in a few? Poe and Jess will probably be back by now with the new recruits anyway.” Rey nodded gratefully and Tanda slipped back out the door to ready herself for the day.

  
  


….

  
  


She spent longer than she intended under the stream of scalding water, not getting out until her fingers started to turn pruney and she was sure the last vestiges of another crappy night were removed from her skin. Somehow it always felt a little _wrong_ to wash off even those tiny little traces of Ben and she wondered if one day she might wash the memories off for the last time… forget the sound of his voice, the feel of his obsidian gaze, the warmth of his body near hers…

_No, no don’t cry about that. Doesn't she want to forget? Wouldn’t it be safer? Better?_

The answers wouldn’t come as easily or immediately as she hoped.

  
  


….

  
  


The mess hall was always packed during the morning meal and Rey struggled to identify Poe’s dark mop in the crowd until she heard him call out to her. As she approached his table with her overflowing tray, her eyes fell on a much taller man with lighter brown hair sitting across from him. His frame was lean but muscular and his clothing must have actually been his own based on how well everything fit; Resistance leftovers were always a little too wide or short or both. He looked a few years older than her and she glimpsed what must be some kind of tattoo peeking out from his shirt collar. A slight blush rose on her cheeks when she realized the man had _definitely_ witnessed her giving him an obvious once over. His rich green eyes lingered just a bit too long on hers and she missed Poe saying her name. Twice.

“Uh, earth to the Jedi… you ok there kid? You just missed Tan.” Poe searched her face with his brows furrowed, failing to notice the unspoken interaction entirely. Her eyes snapped away from the newcomer and she tried for a casual shrug before sitting down heavily next to him and digging into her meal with both hands.

“Trouble sleeping, no big deal.”

Poe gave her a knowing nod and gestured to the rest of the table. 

“These are all our new recruits from the last run on Akiva. Mostly factory workers but some, like our new friend Devlan here, have a far more _interesting_ professional calling.” A dangerous grin spread across his face and he nodded to the man across from him, waiting to reveal the details. Rey cautiously lifted her eyes from her tray to glance in his direction and found Devlan’s attention was already on her.

“He means I’m a bounty hunter.” Then he stated in a lower voice - “At your service, Madam Jedi.”


	3. Chapter 3

Rey spent the next few days avoiding being on base unless she was well concealed under a battered X-Wing. She just wanted to spend time outside on a planet where the sun was gentle and there wasn’t a speck of sand to sully the greenery. 

It had nothing at all to do with a certain green-eyed bounty hunter who must be remarkably good at his work because he seemed to find her no matter where she hid. He didn’t necessarily appear to be going out of his way to seek her out, but the amount of times they ‘accidentally’ bumped into each other was rather suspicious. It didn’t help at all that Poe had basically declared him his new best friend and Finn had also taken an instant liking to the man. 

Devlan was nice enough, but Rey had no idea how to act under his attentions and wasn’t interested in trying to sort out why she reacted the way she did. Sure, ok, he wasn’t _ugly_ by any means (well, except probably to those species who thought humanoids were better for eating) but she still wasn’t looking to get close to anyone like that. She’d never even kissed anyone before for Maker’s sake! 

Of course there was also the whole ‘Jedi reject attachments’ thing to consider… and did she even actually _want_ to be a Jedi? Leia seemed perfectly content not to follow in her brother’s footsteps and look where all that philosophy royally screwed up the galaxy so far! So much death and destruction because of how a person is _supposed_ to use the Force. Why did it have to be one way or the other with nothing inbetween?

_Let the past die - the Sith, the Jedi, let it all die._

Right. 

  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  
  


Rose had spotted Rey attempting to meditate after dinner and begged her to accompany her the next morning to find a small nearby lake that was rumored to have water so clear that a person could see straight to the very bottom. The thought made Rey uneasy - water in such a large quantity barely existed in her imagination before leaving Jakku and while observing from a safe distance was fine, she knew being too close was dangerous. The experience on Ahch-to was a memory she tried to bury deep, terrified that the cave would draw her under again and she’d be helpless to fight back. Much too similar to the sinking fields she had to learn to avoid as a child.

She had agreed anyway after Rose had mentioned that Finn also didn’t know how to swim - apparently that was a skill only taught to a specific division of troopers. Knowing that her first friend would be in the same potentially terrifying situation made her feel just a tiny bit more relaxed. 

She waited outside the back entrance to the base for Finn and Rose to join her. The sun hadn’t completely risen yet and a small shiver creeped over the exposed skin on her shoulders. 

She jumped at the sound of someone suddenly approaching. 

“I would have told you to grab something a little heavier this early in the day; the water will be even cooler.”

Of course it was Devlan, wrapped up in a well worn leather jacket that she was not at all jealous of. She could probably run back inside quickly and rummage through the communal laundry for something...

“Do you want to wear my jacket? I know you’re from Jakku so -“

“No! I mean, no, thank you. I’ll uh, warm up once we get moving.” He halted the motion of shrugging out of the jacket at her abrupt refusal, nodding carefully. 

A few more tense moments passed while Rey tried to think of something to say to minimize the awkwardness between them. The ability to engage in ‘small talk’ was apparently another skill that she did not possess. _Weather? Already covered… hobbies besides hunting sentients?_

“So… do you know how to swim already?”

“Quite well. Water is something my planet is known for actually. Akiva has some of the worst rainstorms in the galaxy - parents teach their children to swim before they can walk in case of flash flooding. Water from the canyons is even believed to have the power to cleanse a person of their sins.”

“Does it work?”

He barked out a laugh and shrugged. 

“I couldn’t say… I’m not sure there’s enough of it to wash mine away at least.”

Rey stared at him in surprise. A bounty hunter was bound to have engaged in less than savory behavior, but what sins were so great that an entire planet worth of water couldn’t do the job?

She wondered if there would ever be enough to wash away Ben’s. 

  
  
  
  


“Hey guys! Ready for Swimming 101?” Rose’s chipper voice saved Rey from having to respond to Devlan’s remark. She pasted on a bright smile and greeted the smaller woman and let Finn pull her into one of his bone-cracking hugs. Getting comfortable being touched at all had been a difficult adjustment after a lifetime going without, but instead of making her feel skittish Finn’s touch was always warm and welcome.

“I didn’t say I would be getting into the water, much less signing up for lessons with you! I _will_ be more than happy to look at the water from a safe distance though.”

Rose gave her a look that showed just how much she didn’t believe Rey’s protests and slid her gaze to Devlan. A very worrying smirk lifted her lips when she glanced between the man and Rey.

“Well, lucky that _I_ didn’t offer to teach you then hmm? Word around base is that Dev is the best instructor around, plus I’ll be busy enough with my man over here to have time to teach you too.” Rose pressed a quick peck to Finn’s lips before moving toward the path to the lake, leaving Rey sputtering in her wake.

_A set up! They were seriously trying to set her up?_

_And why did everyone think she needed a teacher?!_

“So based on the fact that I can literally _feel_ the energy crackling around you, you definitely knew I was going to be here and definitely agreed to me giving you a few pointers on the fine art of swimming.” 

Rey whipped around, ready to give Devlan an earful, but the look on his face was so genuinely apologetic. She sighed deeply and approached the conversation more calmly. 

“It’s not you. It just feels like sometimes people try to tug me in one direction or another without even asking me what I want.”

“I understand. I can always head back to base and leave you three to explore or tell them you ‘felt something mystical in the Force saying swimming is a no-go’.” He wiggled his fingers at the mention of the Force and Rey let out a laugh. She shook her head at him and gestured toward the path.

“No reason for us not to go on ahead and enjoy the potentially fatal giant water trough!”

“Hey now, you’ll be with the _best instructor on base_ and I’m happy to report I haven’t lost a single student yet!”

  
  


....

  
  
  


The rumors were true. The lake was entirely clear straight through to the bottom, giving it the illusion of being a single sheet of flawless glass rather than water. Rey carefully peered over one edge for any signs of lurking shadows or hidden threats beneath the surface, and, finding none, decided she _might_ consider dipping her toes in. Maybe her calves too, but certainly not higher than mid thigh, and she could still obviously just walk out if the water didn’t go past her hips right? 

Rose wasted absolutely no time stripping to her basics and jumping into the crisp clean water. A sharp intake of breath drew her attention to Finn standing off to the side, eyes wide and jaw slack at the petite form making small waves across the surface. When Finn’s brain could function normally again, he also hastily divested himself of most of his clothing and cautiously stepped into the water until it reached his waist. The couple were instantly on eachother, speaking animatedly and giggling over Finn’s attempts to follow Rose’s instructions. She turned away, feeling like she was intruding on a private moment

Only to be way, _way_ too close to another half naked man. 

_Maker’s mercy, not again!_

She clumsily backed away, colliding too hard with a tree trunk that knocked the breath out of her lungs. The expression on Devlan’s face would have been comical any other time but Rey needed to get away from the whole _situation_ immediately.

  
  


“Oh, uh, ow, nope - I can’t, I need - I gotta go!” 

  
  


Rey didn’t bother responding to her friends’ shouts of protest and bolted back through the forest. Branches tore at her hair and she felt tiny cuts accumulating on her cheeks and hands. 

She thought of nothing but the sound of her boots hitting the ground and the steady beat of her heart.

Until she crashed into something solid.

“Rey? You ok? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

She peered up to see Poe looking past her into the forest, his body language defensive and alert.

“Oh, I’m fine, I just…”

“I told them it wasn’t a good idea. I mean, Devlan is definitely the kind of guy I’d want to trust you with but I told them it wasn’t fair.”

Rey brushed off her leggings and fixed him with a confused expression.

“What do you mean, not fair?”

“Uh, don't take this as me prying but you’re not ready to be with someone. You haven't ever said you're interested in anyone and there's no pressure. Rose asked me if I knew anyone who could stand up to you and I mentioned Dev. He’s a good guy, Rey. Maybe some secrets but none of us are squeaky clean. Oh wait, shit, are you into girls? I can’t believe I didn’t ask - one of the new mechanics might be your type -”

“Poe. No, it’s not - I’m not into women. I’m… I’m not into anyone, ok? Jedi rules right?”

Poe smiled back but it seemed like he was just humouring her. Everyone apparently knew better than her about her own choices, right? His expression turned more serious and he sighed heavily.

“Rey, don’t… don’t worry about them or, shit, even me. It doesn’t matter what we think. You had a life on your homeworld and I don’t want to push you. I _know_ you’ve been hiding out and I wan’t you to feel like you’re as much a part of the Resistance as anyone else. I’m planning a little party in the hangar tonight and I think you would really enjoy letting loose a bit - let go of some of that ‘almighty Jedi responsibility’ for a night. What do you think? I’ll teach you to dance?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
....

  
  
  
  
  


_Kriff Poe and kriff this stupid party!_

  
  
  
  


Rey was a little drunk. Ok, not just _a little_. But she was relaxing right? Like everyone thought she should? 

She’d spent the majority of the day with Tanda in the hangar, stripping and rewiring some old transports Leia had managed to trade for while she was off world on a ‘diplomatic meeting’. Tanda hadn’t said a word about Rey’s tumultuous mood for the entirety of their shift, probably sensing that she needed to sort things out in her own head.

  
Once she started in on her third cup of whatever _jet juice_ was though, Rey finally blurted out everything about the entire ill-fated exploring mission to the lake that morning. She tried to describe the weirdness she felt toward their new recruit and needed to know if her reaction was beyond acceptable.

“Rey. I knew the first time I met you that there was someone lingering right under the surface… like their face was still imprinted on the back of your eyelids. I know you’ve seen loss first hand just like me. I hear you at night calling out for someone I don’t think is here anymore. Don’t rush yourself. You don’t owe anyone anything, ok?”

She considered her friend for a few moments, closing her eyes to shake off the sluggishness creeping in from the alcohol in her bloodstream.

“Yessss, you’re right. I don’t need them! Walking around like there aren’t enough cowls in the whole galaxy!’

Rey looked up to high five Tanda but must have closed her eyes for way longer than a few seconds and missed when she slipped away to feel up Poe. That was fine, she should be happy after everything she suffered. And Rey was _totally_ fine. She was so good she didn’t even have to respond when Finn and Rose came by asking her about _Devlan._ She brushed them off until they finally gave up and moved back over to where someone was playing a stringed instrument she didn’t recognize. _Who_ _cares about What’s-his-face anyway? Nuh uh, not Rey. Rey was a strong independent woman who didn’t need a man._

She would show them.

Peeking around quickly to make sure no one would notice her departure, she slipped out of the hangar and into the forest, stomping determinedly toward the lake. 

“Oh Rey you need a teacher for the Force. Oh Rey you need a teacher to learn to swim. Oh Rey you’re a sand rat who is just sooo silly for being scared of water”.

_Bantha shit._

She wasn’t scared and she didn’t need _anyone_ but herself, just like always. She repeated the mantra in her head until she reached the edge of the lake that enchanted her so completely in the daylight. 

_No big deal. It’s easy enough if you don’t go too deep._

Rey stripped off her tunic and nearly ripped her arm wraps tossing them away in the cool night air. She reasoned it couldn’t be much chillier than this morning at least.

Once refreshingly down to simple basics, Rey confidently strode to the edge of the black lake…

  
  
  


… and jumped.

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Rey had made some monumentally stupid decisions in her life (like crawling through a Star Destroyer at high sun with an empty canteen or say, shipping herself to  _ Kylo kriffing Ren  _ in a coffin) but this, this had to be the most empty-headed, peabrained, nonsensical and absolutely absurd one of her life. Which was rapidly becoming more and more in danger of being cut short.

The water that surrounded her felt like hundreds of tiny shards of ice crushing inwards, cutting off her ability to take more than short, shallow breaths and every time she tried to pull in more she would end up swallowing water along with it. She tried desperately to remember anything about the way Rose had moved through the waves that morning or even a snippet of how she had instructed Finn but her brain was sluggish with alcohol and oxygen deprivation.  _ Why did she have to take off like that? STUPID STUPID STUPID! Now she was going to die because she ran away from the kriffing bare chest that would have taught her exactly how to NOT die in this exact situation! _

The more she flailed the colder she became, her teeth chattering so hard she feared they would crack under the pressure. Her limbs were struggling to respond to her brain’s confused commands and her face was steadily getting further below the surface. A few more moments and she wouldn’t be able to keep even her nose free from the waves surrounding her. 

  
  


Rey thought about all she had hoped to do, to accomplish in her life after leaving Jakku and let her frustrated tears mingle with the water lapping at her chin. She had spent so many nights blocking out the traitorous thoughts - not allowing herself to remember the future she saw on Ahch-to or who she dared to hope that future might have been with. She thought about her friends and missing out on their lives together too, about not witnessing Finn and Rose pledge themselves to each other for life or welcome a small little bundle who would be a perfect mixture of the two. Seeing Tanda and Poe get the happiness and calm they both deserved so badly. She thought about never living in a galaxy that was at peace… and never living at peace with herself.  _ Could Ben find peace with her gone?  _

She took all those last fleeting thoughts and hopes and loss and shoved them out into the inky blackness of space, waiting for her body to finally give out and the waves to accept her fully. Her ears and mouth were below the surface now.  _ Just a little longer.  _

  
  


She flicked her eyes back toward base one last time -

  
  
  


\- to see Death was already waiting for her. 

  
  


She could barely make out the dark figure swathed in obsidian robes but saw his lips moving as if to call out to her.  _ That’s funny, I wonder what the reaper says before he collects your soul.  _ A giggle escaped her and she realized she wasn’t even cold anymore, but she was so, so tired.  _ Well she could rest now right? Death was here and she’d be in his embrace soon.  _ She vaguely registered the spectre removing his cloak and striding briskly toward the water -  _ could Death swim? -  _ before letting out a final sigh and succumbing to endless sleep.

  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  
  


Death was kissing her. He was kissing her with plush lips that were so soft and  _ so warm _ … and he smelled like something masculine and… ozone?  _ Of course her first kiss would be kriffing Death himself! Wait, he wasn’t kissing her - her lungs were being forced into accepting his air and it hurt and why would it hurt if she was dead -  _

Rey coughed violently as the trapped water was expelled from her sore, raw throat and she gasped in great big lungfuls of air. Shuffling sounded next to her and she was struck by the terrifying thought that Death would abandon her too, and threw one arm out to keep him from leaving because she couldn’t be alone now, not here -

“Rey.”

She froze at the familiar rich timbre of his voice. A voice she didn’t think she’d hear again and wasn’t even sure she was hearing now. It could be a hallucination or some kind of cruel post-death Force vision…

“Rey?”

She cautiously cracked one eye open and let out a choked sob at the sight of the long face peering down at her. His deep brown eyes were filled with unguarded relief as he reached out to clutch her slim frozen form to his soaked tunic. She dug her fingers into the material, not caring that she couldn’t feel them at all anymore and just needing to be as close as possible because  _ he looked so real - oh please, please don’t be a hallucination,  _ **_be here_ ** .

“B- B…  _ Ben _ …” 

She felt the rumble of his chest but the sound was muffled by her hair. His grip on her skin was so tight it bordered on painful and  _ wait, if she could feel pain she was definitely not dead, right? _

Deep shuddering breaths escaped his broad frame as he held her in his warm, comforting embrace. It felt possessive and so very  _ Ben _ and she started mumbling into the fabric of his tunic, begging him not to leave her. 

“Pllease.. D-don go ‘M so tired. So tired. I’mmso gonna sleep... mmmkay? Stay?” The words wouldn’t come out right and her limbs were so heavy. She needed to rest. It had been so long since she could sleep. 

Suddenly he released her, causing her to groan and hug her arms around her still shivering nearly nude body. She was being wrapped up in something soft and warm and couldn’t lift her head to listen to what he was saying. He was stroking her hair with his stupidly large hands and he wasn’t wearing his gloves. It felt so tender and she turned her face to sigh into his palm. 

“Can you hear me? Rey are there people nearby? Do you have a comm back with your clothes? All I see is the lake - please, you need to stay awake so I can get you some help ok? Just stay awake a little longer so I can make sure you’re safe.” 

That felt nice. He wanted her safe.  _ She was safe.  _ She felt his rolling frantic energy in the Force and furrowed her brows. 

He didn’t need to worry, she’d keep him safe too. 

  
  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  
  


_ Why was it so loud? So loud and so bright. Oh but she was nice and warm now... _

“Rey! Hey she’s over here! I need help!” She felt someone kneeling at her side, their hands pushing hair from her face. 

“Rey? Are you ok? What happened? Why’d you run off like that? What are you doing out here and what the hell started that fire?”

Finn.  _ Right, not Ben, she had definitely been hallucinating. Wait, fire? _

She opened her eyes to see one of the large trees near the lake completely engulfed in flames.  _ Huh, when did that happen? _

“If it wasn’t for that we wouldn’t have found you out here. You’re ok, we’ll get you to medical, and Dev’s gonna help carry you, ok?”

Rey nodded weakly, too sore and exhausted to fight. She felt strong arms grip her under her thighs and shoulders, pulling her up effortlessly. 

“Number one rule of swimming, don’t go alone. If you won’t let me  _ actually _ teach you at least tell me you’ve learned that? Can’t say I agree with the method though.”

She grunted in response and heard him chuckle as he walked them both back to base.

  
  
  


  
….

  
  
  
  


The medical bay at the Resistance wasn’t much more than an empty storeroom and a few cots. They had lost most of their supplies fleeing the base on D’Qar and then what remained was left behind when the  _ Raddus  _ struck the  _ Supremacy.  _ Leia was using her considerable reach to arrange for the much needed medical stock and ships, while Poe and Finn had taken on the role of recruiting. Unfortunately, until Leia returned the base had to make do with the limited supplies they had on hand. They didn’t even have any working med droids at the moment and Rey made a mental note to work on getting at least one operational to take on some of the basic medical care for the Resistance. 

Dr. Kalonia was an older no-nonsense woman and had apparently known Leia since before Ben was born. Rey wondered if she too had watched him grow from a small boy to the monster known as Kylo Ren. She had even been stationed on Hosnian Prime for some time before it was completely obliterated by the First Order and had treated Finn after he’d been cut open on Starkiller Base… by Ben. She shook the memory from her mind. 

  
  


She gestured for Devlan to lay Rey down on the nearest cot and got to work checking both eyes with a small flashlight. Finn and Rose hovered next to her other side, their expressions full of worry. It seemed like the alcohol had mostly burned off with the adrenaline from frantically searching for her, but Rey was still feeling like the room was spinning a little. 

“So what happened here? Took a little midnight dip in the lake? It’s a bit too chilly out there to swim after dark, but it looks like you figured that out on your own.”

Rey grimaced and clutched the black fabric surrounding her closer to her body.

“Do you mind if I remove this for a moment to check the rest of your vitals?” Seeing the look on Rey’s face, she added “I’ll just ask our friend Finn here to hang onto it for a moment and then we’ll wrap you right back up.”

She nodded and reluctantly released her grip. As her body started to become more exposed, she noticed both men in the room politely avert their eyes. It was normal to see others around base in just their basics now, especially when she had slept in the barracks where communal bathing was standard. Typically she preferred to remain more covered and private, but everything was covered and she wasn’t worried about any leering eyes in the medbay. 

Dr. Kalonia quickly handed off the blanket and began performing a series of tests on her reflexes. Finn stopped midway through grabbing the fabric and held it up, peering at the material - which was now revealed to very clearly  _ not _ be a blanket, but an incredibly large, expensive looking cloak - and opened his mouth in surprise. 

“Rey… who-  _ where _ did you get this?”

She realized that Ben hadn’t been a hallucination at all - that he had somehow been there when she needed him. He pulled her from the water and he must have wrapped her in his cloak to keep her warm, which meant he also must have set the fire to alert her friends. It also meant the bond wasn’t gone.

But she couldn’t tell Finn any of that. 

“T-traded for it on the last mission. Had some good scrap in my bag. I thought it would make me look more like a Jedi.”

The lie felt wrong and she focused on the offending fabric instead of Finn’s face while the doctor went about her evaluation. When she finally met his eyes, he seemed to be searching her face for something but was interrupted by Dr. Kalonia.

“Okay, all done. You’re definitely feeling the effects of hypothermia and your body temperature is too low, but honestly I’m impressed that you were able to get yourself out of there. It looks like you coughed up a fair bit of water too. I suppose being able to use the Force is what saved you - if you weren’t Force sensitive this would likely have been a fatal event. Do you understand what I’m saying?” 

Of course they would think it was the Force that saved her. It wasn’t exactly untrue, but Rey hadn’t even tried to reach out for the Force that way. Even if she hadn’t purposely meant to do it, she had reached out to Ben instead. 

“I understand. I know it was foolish and I’m sorry I made you all worry… I just, it seemed like a good idea at the time… I won’t go alone again.” The older woman helped Rey wrap herself back up in Ben’s cloak and she buried her face in the collar to hide the shame on her cheeks. She scared her friends, nearly died and Ben had no choice but to help her.  _ Well, he could have chosen to let her die, she supposed, but he didn’t.  _

“Well, I’m happy to hear you don’t want a repeat performance. For now I’d like you to stay here the rest of the night with some warming pads and a little bacta wash for your throat. I’d also advise you to learn to swim  _ properly _ as soon as possible.”

She left to retrieve the needed supplies while Rey said her thanks again to her friends and sheepishly agreed to let Devlan teach her to swim when she was recovered - as long as Finn and Rose would join them. Finn needed more lessons too of course, so it made sense for them to go as a group.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Rey laid back on the cot after she was finally left alone, reveling in the warmth surrounding her and the soothing bacta treatment. She needed to see Ben. She needed to thank him for saving her life. 

_ Again. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ready to see more Ben? The next chapter is all our favorite darkside good boi.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter - I had to wait for some swelling in my wrist to go down. 
> 
> All good now! Enjoy.

“Supreme Leader?”

Kylo snapped his eyes toward the sound of Hux clearing his throat.  _ What planet had the sniveling ginger General wanted to discuss blowing up today?  _ The helmet not only hid his naked expressions from view, but had the added bonus of making General Hux distinctly uncomfortable. He allowed him to squirm for a few moments before offering a noncommittal response.

“Is there a reason you thought I would appreciate incomplete information on this matter, General? I can’t be expected to make a decision if you do not provide  _ all  _ of the necessary data requested. If you find it too difficult to fulfill the requirements of your position I can easily assign another officer to take on your role.”

The General’s face flushed crimson with embarrassment and fury before he was able to collect himself.

“That won’t be necessary Supreme Leader; the full report will be available on your datapad at once. Now, if I may request we again address the bothersome remains of the Resistance -”

“Denied. I have more pressing issues to focus on than an insignificant band of terrorists with so few members they could hardly fill a single light freighter.”

The meeting was a waste of time. He needed to prepare for the arrival of the Knights and could not afford to be distracted. Not by Hux and his retinue of warmongering sycophants and certainly not by a particular desert girl with an enticingly curious smattering of freckles across her bronzed skin. 

A girl he’d saved from nearly drowning only two nights ago. 

“But, Supr-”

“Meeting adjourned.” Kylo immediately rose from his chair and swept out of the room, not bothering to glance back toward the sputtering man left in his wake. He was well aware that several members of the First Order council were gnashing their teeth waiting to declare a full and complete victory over the Resistance. Even with their forces all but decimated on Crait, many of the higher ranking officers felt uneasy leaving any loose ends - especially when one of those loose ends was a Jedi. Those who had been around for the Empire knew full well not to underestimate the potential destructive power of a single member of the nearly dead religion.

Oh and how Kylo wanted to give the order. He  _ wanted _ to give the First Order this victory. He  _ wanted _ to wipe out the meddlesome traitors and further propel the galaxy into order. Chaos was not something he would or could tolerate. 

But giving the order also meant he’d be signing  _ her  _ death warrant. It should be so easy. She’d all but betrayed him, left him for dead, gave him hope only to snatch it away. Why had she even bothered pretending she understood his loneliness? He wasn’t entirely convinced that his mother hadn’t set it up in some way, that maybe Rey had only agreed to engage with him at her request. He wanted so badly to actually believe her interest to be genuine, be he knew it was absurd to hope that he would ever be anything but alone. He could not allow himself to be coerced by a pair of pretty eyes.

  
  


Hope was for fools. 

  
  


So why couldn’t he just leave her there in the middle of that lake to die? She had been more than halfway there already, near frozen and breathing in more water than air. 

He had felt her emotions barrel through the opening in his mind that had been patched through by Snoke. It was curious that the bond would remain active if the creator perished though… and not for the first time he considered that the connection was something significant and organic - not the result of his former Master’s meddling. Kylo had been tested many times by the man, so it was shocking but not entirely unexpected that he would choose to test his apprentice once again… especially because Snoke had considered Han Solo’s death to be a failure. 

His death  _ was  _ a failure in Kylo’s eyes as well, but in a different way. He and Snoke had both believed the act would finally rip out the last shreds of light clouding his soul and he agreed that it had certainly not accomplished that. He was more tortured than ever - especially with the appearance of the girl. The real fault in killing his father was that it was the zenith of  _ so many _ failures. 

Failure of Han Solo and Leia Organa as parents.

Failure of Luke Skywalker to turn his nephew into a Jedi.

Failure of Ben Solo to choose one side completely.

Failure of Kylo Ren to live up to his Master’s expectations.

And somehow no matter how many people he submits to, how many he cuts down and how many he commands, he continues to fail.

He saw it on her face in the throne room when he offered her everything. Whatever she had been expecting, it clearly didn’t involve being with him. She wanted to return the lost boy to his mother. She wanted that dream of Ben Solo - all light and good and just. That boy didn’t exist and never had. He was claimed by Snoke, by the darkside, before he was born and he pathetically tried to resist its call and the call of his destiny for too long. The culmination of generations of the cosmic Force at work. The choice had never been his to make and she didn’t understand. Rey was just another future lost to him. 

  
  
  
  
  


So when that lost future inexplicably cast out in the Force for him, dangerously resolved and weakening, he could not resist the siren call. He had been prepared for her disappointment or more synthetic claims of sameness meant to woo him to the side of the light. He had not been prepared for the flood of all-consuming terror at the sight of her lithe body barely moving above the surface of the water. Aside from the glow of moonlight, the area had been pitch dark and the planet’s temperature was far too chilly for her to be in the water on purpose. Unable to see anyone else around to save her, he tried to call out to her to swim over to him. At the sound of his voice she had cracked open an eye, but it seemed the sight of him had the opposite effect and he saw her give up entirely.

He’d barely been able to detach his cloak -  _ and thank the Maker he had because Rey would probably be extremely averse to warming through body heat  _ \- before he jumped into the water to tug her face back above the surface. 

Her skin felt like ice and her lips had turned a deep unsettling blue, but the lack of the rise and fall of her chest scared Kylo so completely that he had to blink away the tears on the cusp of falling over her frozen form. 

He couldn’t let her die like that. A lifetime of suffering in the sand to die because of too much water? It was too cruel. Afterall, part of her had called to him for help and even if he was the only one who could hear her that far gone… he would not let her down.

Kylo knew he wasn’t light enough to heal her with the Force and that he wouldn’t be focused enough to call on it anyway. Ironically, the very basics of survival had been taught to him by his father - “ _ The Force can’t fix everything kid and someday if the whole Jedi thing doesn’t work out, you might need to pass on this knowledge to another little pilot…” -  _ and even though he rolled his eyes at the man’s casual mention of grandchildren, he remembered every ‘normal’ skill he taught him.

Like how to save someone from drowning. Kylo approached it as clinically as possible, definitely not thinking of her beautiful full lips against his or the softness of her skin as he tilted her chin to the correct position. His hands only shook just a little when they moved to the small rounded curve of her chest to coddle her heart back into keeping her body alive. Every breath he forced into her lungs was filled with a plea -  _ come back and he would try, try to be what she wanted, what she deserved, just come back,  _ **_don’t leave him alone again_ ** \- 

And then suddenly her body responded to his efforts and started expelling the intruding liquid and she began to breathe on her own. He tried to call her name several times to get her attention but she was too focused on sucking in as much air as possible to hear him. He started to get up to retrieve his dry cloak when one of her petite hands flung out to grip his tunic. Her huge hazel eyes opened and met his and she must have really been out of sorts because she didn’t start immediately yelling and instead started sobbing. 

_ Maker, she didn’t even realize she called out to him if she was this upset to see him, but wait, her grip wasn’t pushing it was pulling - _

Kylo didn’t hesitate to tug her still too-thin body to his, clutching her desperately and unreservedly. The gift of Rey’s responding grip was soothing to his turbulent nerves and he whispered comforting words into her frigid chestnut hair.

“B- B…  _ Ben _ …” 

His name across her lips was nothing less than celestial in that moment. He clutched her so tightly he feared he would bruise her, but she mumbled words begging him to stay - the same words he had prayed over her fading body. She was trembling, or he was or they both were and he quickly remembered the cloak. Just because she wasn’t still in the lake didn’t mean she was safe! She needed warmth and medical attention and he needed to find a way to alert the rest of the idiotic Resistance members who  _ shouldn’t have left her alone in the first place.  _ Tamping down his rage, he worked quickly to wrap the thick fabric of his cloak around Rey’s still shivering, mumbling form. When she felt his hands on her face she sighed heavily and leaned into his touch and Kylo wanted so badly to stay there with her in that moment.

He dragged his eyes away from her face to scan the area surrounding them again, searching for any signs of the Resistance base. 

“Can you hear me? Rey, are there people nearby? Do you have a comm back with your clothes? All I see is the lake - please, you need to stay awake so I can get you some help ok? Just stay awake a little longer so I can make sure you’re safe.” 

He looked back down at her face to see she had fallen asleep already.  _ Shit, time’s up.  _ The base must be near enough if she hadn’t worn much more than her desert wraps out and had been able to get to the lake without a speeder. The large tree nearest to the shore of the lake would do.

Kylo commanded the Force to consume the tree in fire and it met his demands immediately. The blaze would help provide some warmth while signaling for assistance and he would remain to make sure she was safe.  _ He should just skim whatever planet she’s on from her mind and make sure she’s actually safe - safe with him… no. No, Rey didn’t want that or she would have stayed when he offered.  _

A short while later three figures emerged from the treeline and he recognized the traitor spot Rey. The traitor had tried to defend her on Starkiller Base, he would get her help. Then another man came into view, one he didnt recognize, and he started to tug Rey close in to his body -

-and Kylo’s blood boiled.  _ He shouldn’t touch her like that. Not like he wanted her. She wasn’t his. _

_ But she wasn’t  _ **_his_ ** _ either. Yet. _

  
  
  
  


So Kylo must be a fool -

  
  


\- because he  _ hoped _ . 


	6. Chapter 6

Rey woke to the sound of raised voices. She was too content with the warmth buzzing over her skin to focus on what was being said and instead snuggled further into what was rapidly becoming her new favorite clothing item - Ben’s cloak. His scent still lingered in the material and she inhaled it greedily before realizing her mistake and triggering a coughing fit.

“Take it easy there; your lungs and throat are still going to be a bit sore for the next few days. Everything else looks good though. Your heart rate and temperature are back within normal range and you’re no longer exhibiting any signs of hypothermia. Before I release you to a  _ very persistent _ Commander Dameron, I was hoping you could assist me.”

Rey groaned at the thought of leaving her cozy little cocoon to deal with the raised voices from earlier, but nodded her agreement. 

“What can I help with? I think I can probably work on getting one of the med droids functional but I’d need to look over the spare parts…”

“Oh no, don’t worry about those. We’ll get some that don’t run the risk of electrocuting my patients eventually. For now I’d just like to continue to gather medical data on the current Resistance members in case we need to quickly access information in the event of an attack. Since this is the first time I’m seeing you as a patient, I was hoping you could answer a few standard questions and provide a blood sample for your medical record.”

“I’ve never been to any doctors or anyone before, but I can try to answer with what I know.”

“That’s all I need. So far I have your first name as Rey and homeworld as Jakku as well as your height and weight. Do you know how old you are? Any history of diseases or broken bones?”

“I was sold to Plutt when I was five standard years, so I’m either nineteen or twenty. I’ve never had anything more serious than a fever but I have broken a few bones over the years and set them myself. Mostly fingers and toes but I did break my right arm when my speeder crashed once.”

“You clearly did a good job, I didn’t see anything unusual with your range of motion when I checked you over earlier. Have you ever been pregnant before? Are your cycles regular?”

“I, uh, I’ve never…” Dr. Kalonia saw the blush rise on Rey’s cheeks and understood her meaning immediately.

“Of course. What about your cycle? You’ve experienced that?”

“Yes, but I’m not sure what ‘regular’ is… sometimes once a solar cycle and sometimes more?”

The doctor nodded as she input the data into her file.

“That’s not unusual considering you’ve suffered through malnutrition for so much of your life. I expect with regular meals and some weight gain you would experience them at more standard intervals. I would encourage you, as I do all new members who don’t already have one in place, to get a contraceptive implant. It offers protection from pregnancy if you do become sexualy active and will also make it so you won’t have to worry about your cycle at all.”

Rey considered the suggestion and decided that it couldn’t hurt…  _ not that she was  _ **_planning_ ** _ to do anything with… anyone… but if she  _ **_did_ ** _ want to… _

“Um, yes, that sounds ok. For the cycles. Thank you.”

  
  
  


….

  
  
  


Rey was surprised to see both Poe and Tanda propped against the wall outside the makeshift medbay when she stumbled out rubbing her freshly injected arm. Poe caught her wobbly form before she could fall and immediately started apologizing.

“We just bumped into Finn and Rose this morning and they told us what happened but Harter wouldn’t let us in - I can’t believe we didn’t realize you were gone! I’m so sorry, whatever I said or if I did anything to drive you out there -”

“Hey, it was my fault. I drank too much and for some reason totally forgot about the whole ‘being from a desert planet and not having a clue how to swim’ thing. Finn and Rose and Devlan found me and I’m fine, really. Plus I’m pretty sure you two were busy desecrating some poor random soldier’s bunk to notice much of anything…”

“Or an X-Wing!” Poe grinned mischievously at Tanda, who clipped a quick smack to the back of his head. She rolled her eyes as he rubbed the sore spot left in her wake and smiled brightly at Rey.

“Well, either way, we’re sorry we weren’t there to help because the way Finn described it, it sounded pretty kriffing bad and we’re glad you're okay. If you need a swim buddy and you’re not feeling the current prospects, I would be more than happy to volunteer. Batonn was basically a desert surrounded by oceans so I have a pretty amazing breaststroke.” The woman flung out a hand to cover Poe’s mouth before he could finish his mumbled comment about  _ just how amazing her breaststroke really was _ .

She was right though, Rey still felt apprehensive about letting Devlan help her. Even though she agreed to be taught student, she was uncomfortable with the idea of letting another ma- of letting  _ anyone _ touch her still but she trusted Tanda and knew she’d actually be able to focus with her. Decision made, she beamed at her friend and pulled her into a tight hug.

“That would be amazing Tan, thank you! I can meet you out there after I grab some caf and eat half my body weight in muffins?”

Her friend barked out a knowing laugh and saluted before dragging Poe back down the corridor toward the hangar. 

  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


Rey stared menacingly at her adversary. Oh yes, she was prepared for battle now. She would not be beat a second time. 

“So you gonna keep staring this beautiful lake down like it owes you a week’s worth of portions or are you going to get in and show it who’s boss?”

She glanced toward Tanda, who was already down to her basics with her gorgeous rich brown skin glowing in the morning sun. Just like Rose, she seemed perfectly at ease in the water and Rey wondered if she would ever be able to feel the same way.

Thankful that her anger over her stupidity and partial blame on the lake itself, she found she wasn’t afraid to confront yet another thing that had almost claimed her life. She’d had enough experience with all kinds of potentially lethal people, places and things to know that a person needed to face them instead of run away. 

When she finally allowed the cool, clear water to cover her up to her waist, she signaled to Tanda that she was ready. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


The next few hours went by so quickly that neither woman realized they had been laughing and splashing well into the afternoon. Rey was significantly more tired than she would normally be even after working a full shift in the hangar and training but knew the unexpected physical demands of not only learning a new skill but almost actually dying were probably reason enough to feel more than a little cruddy. Tanda had certainly done what she offered though and Rey felt infinitely more comfortable with her ability to move confidently through the water. She thanked her profusely and dragged her soaked sore body back to base for some much needed rest.

  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  
  


Rey had only just barely made it back to her room before collapsing face first on the bed. Not ten seconds later, a knock sounded at the door and she groaned. 

“Rey. I heard what happened from Harter and I just wanted to come by and check on you. Are you feeling alright now?”

The voice was muffled by the door but she knew immediately who it was and allowed the door to slide open to the comforting presence beyond. 

“Leia! Oh, yes, I’m embarrassed by the whole thing really. Tanda was kind enough to spend most of the day helping me learn. I can at least keep myself afloat now but it’s all very exhausting, like trying to move around sand with your entire body.”

“It certainly is a workout. I’m glad to hear you’re recovered. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, Maker knows I could use the rest myself. Goodnight Rey.” 

“Thank you, goodnight General.” 

Leia smiled softly and turned to leave. Rey tugged open her drawer and started to unfold a certain black cloak over her bed when Leia suddenly stopped moving. 

“Odd.”

“Sorry, what’s odd?” Rey noticed Leia’s eyes had glazed over a bit, as if she was suddenly tugged into a daydream. She shook herself out of it a moment later and brushed off the comment.

“Oh nothing, just for a second I swore I smelled Han’s aftershave. He doused himself in the stuff and I hated it. He even smuggled some into Ben’s bag before he left to… to go to Luke’s. I think he was hoping it would help him with the girls there even though he knew Jedi weren’t allowed to  _ fraternize _ .” The older woman chuckled at the memory as her eyes fell to the bundle of fabric. 

“Oh, uh, probably something I found on the Falcon?”

Rey knew she was a terrible liar, but Leia seemed too lost in thought to notice, nodding stoically.

“Right. I’m sure Ha- Chewie wouldn’t mind you keeping anything you need from that old thing. See you tomorrow.”

With that, the General took her leave and left Rey still clutching Ben’s cloak with trembling fingers. She stared at the material for several moments too long and finally resumed spreading it carefully across her cot. 

Sheclosed her eyes and luxuriated in the feel under her fingers while humming softly to herself, a simple lullaby she’d heard Leia whisper the words to when too few fighters would return from a mission. It always struck her as something mournful, but Rey felt strangely comforted by the sound every time. 

She must have still had some water in her ears because the hums suddenly seemed fainter. 

Then her fingers hit a warm, solid object where there definitely had not been one a moment prior.

Her eyes shot open, meeting the same brown orbs that she’d wished goodnight only a few minutes before.  _ He had his mother’s eyes. _

“Ben, I…”

“My mother used to sing that to me when I had nightmares. Or I suppose I should say, she did on the few nights she was actually home for them.”

“She said you smell like Han.” At his puzzled expression, she amended “Your cloak. That your cloak does. 

“Keep it. I don’t know what kind of games your Resistance friends are playing, but it seems you need it more than I do.”

“Oh, um, thank you.”

“I have others anyway.”

“No, not for this - well, yes, the cloak too - but I mean,  _ thank you _ . I never would have made it out without you. I would have died. I thought I had!” Her vision started to blur and she cursed the traitorous tears that ran down her face.  _ She wasn’t this weak pathetic thing! She just wanted to thank him!  _ Every speck of wetness she wiped away was just as swiftly replaced with more. 

“You saved me. I d-don’t know why, but you saved me and you didn’t have to and I was so scared and I thought of you while I was going under and I was so relieved your face would be the last one I saw in this life. I- I’m sorry, just,  _ thank you.”  _ She was hyperventilating and no other sounds filled the cramped quarters beside her choked breaths.  _ What was wrong with her and why was he always forced to deal with her stupid emotions - _

-and then she was being tugged into his crushing embrace once more. She sighed deeply at the contact and buried her face between his neck and shoulder, allowing the tears to soak the collar of his tunic. 

“I was scared too, Rey. Fuck, I thought I was too late. And you’re wrong, I  _ did  _ have to save you. There was no other option for me. I’ll save you every time - from Snoke, from whatever ridiculous body of water you decide to jump into next - I’ll do it. Over and over again.”

“B-but why?”

“Because I can’t live in a galaxy without you.”

  
  
  
  


She nodded into the crook of his neck, stifling the last of her tears. They sat comfortably wrapped together in silence, reveling in one another’s weight and warmth against their own and feeling the Force swirl buoyantly through their bond. A bond that inexplicably formed between touch-starved broken people who had found themselves frustratingly destined to play their parts on opposite sides of a war. 

  
  
  


Exhaustion over the physical and emotional turmoil of the last two days finally overtook her and Rey allowed herself to drift away to the gentle rhythm of her heart beating in time with her bondmate, knowing that if the nightmares came he would keep her safe. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Kylo was disappointed but not surprised to find himself alone the next morning. There was no sign that Rey had shared the space at all beside a slight depression in the pillow next to his and a trace of whatever the standard subpar Resistance shampoo was. He blinked at the chrono next to his bed and discovered he’d somehow managed to sleep through an entire night cycle - something he had never managed to accomplish before. 

The previous night’s connection had not gone the way he had planned whatsoever. He had wanted to maintain his distance and steel himself from any further attempts to lure him back to the light. Hearing the Alderaanian lullaby from his childhood immediately put him on edge until he noticed her bed covered in his cloak. Then she started crying and his resolve crumbled. He felt compelled to comfort her and to confirm for himself that she was really alive and whole. She had seemed to genuinely accept his embrace and he wouldn’t think about just how long he had stayed awake relishing every tiny detail of her soft form in the midst of slumber. 

Like that she smiled in her sleep; minute fractional movements that showed off her dimpled cheeks.

Or that she would scrunch her freckled nose and sigh whenever he allowed a hand to lightly brush across the exposed skin of her neck.

  
  


The buzz of the wall comm unit alerted him to the fact that he had spent far too long entangled in his thoughts.

  
  


“Supreme Leader, _The Night Buzzard_ has just docked in hangar three.”

_Of course they would arrive now._

“I’ll meet them directly.”

He swiftly dressed in his standard uniform and donned the familiar black helm. He threw his frustrations with the timing into his movements as he worked to slam down the areas in his mind where his true thoughts of Rey reigned. None of the Knights were skilled enough to get through his defenses, but one slip had the potential to ruin his hard won facade. 

When he arrived at the designated hangar, he found only four of his five Knights kneeling before him.

“Keres, where is Morana Ren?”

“Master, Morana did not return from Batuu as expected. I do not feel their presence in the Force any longer and I wonder if perhaps they had followed the pulse further into the Unknown Regions. Have you learned anything more that may assist us, my Lord?”

The pulse had been felt by all six members of the Knights of Ren. A bolt of pure darkside energy, the malevolent signature had pummeled in and out of existence, seemingly at random intervals and baffling coordinates. The Knights had been ordered to abandon their search for both artifacts and Rey in favor of seeking out whatever person or object was behind the mysterious presence. The longer it went undiscovered, the more foreboding Kylo had felt swirling in the energy of the Force. It was deeply unsettling, even for the seasoned darksiders.

“No, the holocrons and archives I’ve studied so far have not mentioned anything that could produce a similar effect. Evaluate any new artifacts in your quarters today and report any findings of significance to me. If there is nothing instructive, then in a standard week Acheron, Malacoda and Sedit, you will continue to search the last region the pulse was felt. Keres, you will travel to Batuu and seek out Morana’s whereabouts. Until then, we’ll make use of the onboard training facilities.”

“Yes, Master.” The Knights declared in unison.

Sedit Ren stepped forward to clasp a mechanical hand over Kylo’s shoulder. 

“It has been too long since we properly trained together. Perhaps you’ve grown soft in our absence?” Kylo felt his amusement at the remark and a memory of Kylo standing victorious over the five of them as they lay bruised and weak on the training room floor. He returned the grip on the man’s flesh shoulder.

“Maybe this time I’ll actually have to use a weapon.”

  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


Rey woke that morning to find she was once again wrapped up in Ben’s cloak. The absence of the standard fare of horrific nightmares was also glaringly obvious and she sent out a silent thanks to him for keeping them at bay, even if it really was just a coincidence. She had shared sleeping space with others since joining the Resistance, but never in such an intimate way. It was always for convenience or lack of available beds, or even a few times for warmth when Rose would casually remind her that she and Paige had often shared a bed on colder nights and she wouldn't mind the company. It was clear the loss of her sister still weighed heavily on her and Rey would daydream about what it might have been like to grow up with one. It was possible she even had a sibling somewhere out there, but dwelling on family was fruitless and always ended up taking her down a bitter path.

The Resistance was as much a family as any, and really the only kind she had ever known.

  
  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


She was nearly finished finagling her hair up in the customary three buns when she heard it. 

_Singing?_

No, not quite singing, but certainly a melody of some kind. Faint but unmistakable. 

Curious, Rey left her room and proceeded toward the sound. She noticed Dev chatting with someone outside one of the conference rooms and his gaze snapped up at her approach. He looked like he was trying to wrap up the conversation to engage her so she quickly pivoted around the next corner. _No time to deal with whatever that was right now._

As she followed the corridor toward the hangar, it became clearer and louder. It was definitely coming from one of the crates Leia had returned with the previous day. She knew she should ask permission to go through any contents, but she was overcome by the sense of something reaching out to her…

“Rey?” She turned abruptly to see the General standing behind her, gesturing to the crate. “Don’t tell me my surprise spoiled itself!”

“Surprise? The singing?”

“You heard one call to you? That’s excellent news. I happened to meet up with a friend on this run who had some very rare items to donate to _the last Jedi_.” Leia punched in the code to unlock the crate and pulled out a small wooden box. She flicked open the lid to reveal a dozen sparkling stones - one of which was glowing more brightly than the others. “Kyber crystals. Nearly lost to the First Order’s greed now, but a few have been kept safe and hidden. I wondered if it was possible that one would be suitable for you to build a lightsaber.”

“They’re so beautiful. How come only one of them makes that sound?” She reached into the box and picked up the glowing stone, marveling at the way it seemed to warm at her touch. The only other crystal she had seen looked completely dull and lifeless, shattered when Anakin Skywalker’s saber refused to pick between her and Ben in the throne room.

“I don’t hear anything from them. Supposedly for every crystal there is only one person out there that will be in tune with it. It will call to them, a song meant only for their ears. The odds that one of these would be meant for you is astronomical, but of course I’ve seen too much of the Force at work to believe in coincidence. That crystal is singing for you because it belongs to you.”

“It… chose me? Out of everyone?” Tears pricked at the corner of her eyes. Such a small precious thing decided _she_ was worthy enough? Trusting her with its care? Leia began to get misty eyed herself watching the young woman stare in heartwarming awe at the connection. 

“You deserve it, Rey. I have absolute faith that you will use it to build a saber that you’ll wield with your good heart. If you need any parts you can’t find around base please let me know. I look forward to seeing it when you’re finished.” Leia raised her hand to her cheek, stroking it softly in a painfully motherly gesture and left Rey clutching her treasure in the middle of the bustling hangar.

  
  
  
  


“What’s that?”

Devlan had caught up with her. He was standing just a bit too close but his posture was relaxed and nonthreatening. He appeared genuinely interested in whatever had drawn her attention so completely and she suddenly felt a little guilty for not telling him about Tanda’s lesson… and for maybe sort of running away from him a few minutes prior. 

“It’s uh…” Rey tried to find the words but found herself distracted by the sudden lack of background noise. _That was odd… it was almost like last night when…_

_Oh no._

“I- sorry - need to go! Right now!” She flew out of the hangar and down the much too long corridors toward her quarters, desperately hoping the Force would be merciful and wait to connect them in private. 

  
  


When her shadow didn’t immediately appear in the surrounding hallways of her room, she tucked the gem into the pocket of her tunic and swiftly slammed the door shut behind her. She breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed luck was on her side today. 

Until she saw what was on the other side waiting for her and all conscious thoughts came to a screeching halt. Sure, she’d seen him shirtless that one time before but…

This was him moving without knowing he was being observed, his body a wonder of years of strictly regimented exercise and raw bestial power. He was terrifying yet graceful in his movements against unseen opponents and it was obvious from the way he flew through forms that he had the upper hand. She gasped as a large cut appeared across his bicep and his head whipped back to where she was standing. Eyes not leaving hers, he made a series of jabs toward the invisible assailant, which effectively seemed to end the session.

“Dismissed.” The command was curt, his expression cold. His saber flicked off and nothing but the sound of his rapid breathing broke the silence that followed. 

And then suddenly the room was much, much too small. She wanted to avert her gaze and not focus on the way his lustrous black locks clung to his forehead or the way beads of sweat rolled down the sides of his neck, caressing their way down his broad chest, slipping over the planes of his taut abdomen and finally settling to melt into the waistband of his training pants. 

His very low slung, very form-fitting, very _revealing_ training pants.

“Did you hear what I said?” _Words?_ _Right, Rey knew words._

“Y-you… Ben. Sweat. Uh. Train? Sweat train.” _Fuck._

He had the nerve to smirk at the color that rose on her cheeks.

“Interesting. I wonder what has you so distracted, little _scavenger_?” He advanced toward her slowly with sure determined steps and Rey realized there was nowhere for her to retreat. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. When he was close enough that she could feel the heat of his well worked body, he lifted his powerful arms to slide his hands against the wall on either side of her head, caging her in. Rey’s breaths were coming in much too rapidly and she felt her body leaning into his until they were mere inches apart. She let her eyes flutter closed as one smooth gloved hand gripped her waist and the other began to tilt her head up toward his…

  
  
  
  


“Rey! C’mon, you can’t just keep running off like that!”

_Devlan._ He followed her. She gaped at Ben, whose expression had morphed into something predatory. 

“Just open the door for a second so I can get this out, then I’ll leave.” 

His voice was muffled through the door but his tone made her guilt rise up again. She pleaded with the very large man in front of her to release her from his grip, and he did so, albeit reluctantly. He stepped back slightly but kept one hand firmly attached to her hip as she turned to open the door and awkwardly face Devlan. 

“You’re avoiding me.”

“Pfft, of course I’m not. That’s… silly.” He gave her a look indicating just how much he did _not_ believe that and she sighed before trying again. “Ok fine, maybe a little.”

“You don’t have to run away from me you know. It doesn’t matter to me _who_ teaches you as long as _someone_ does. My skin is pretty tough, Rey, it won’t hurt my feelings if you’d prefer your friend over the guy you hardly know. But here’s the thing - I’d really like that to change. I _want_ to know you better.”

“You… you want to be my friend?”

He studied her face for a few moments and she saw his lips twitch up into a little smile at the same time he leaned further into her doorway. 

“Ideally you’d give me a chance to be more than that, but of course I would like to be your friend as well.”

She felt Ben’s fingers press further into her skin and knew that if the other man could actually see the murderous glint in his expression he would immediately eat his words. 

“Oh.” _Smooth._

“Just, think about it, ok?” She nodded mutely to show she understood and saw him visibly relax. It looked like he meant to say more but the door was slammed shut between them. She whirled around to face Ben and saw he had moved further away, his eyes roaming over her face questioningly. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


She saw a flicker of something that looked like hurt before he disappeared before her eyes.

  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Rey had not seen him in nine days. 

Not that she was counting. 

She wanted to believe it was because the Force brought them together at truly random moments and not that it was purposely being controlling to prevent a connection from forming, but Ben had looked so _hurt._ Because she had spoken to Devlan while they were connected? It’s not like she could have just ignored him again when he’d seen her go in her room, and it didn’t seem like ignoring him was even accomplishing anything. He still sought her out and after that confession… Rey was confused.

She liked his company and found him interesting - and yes, attractive - but she didn’t feel that _pull_ between them that she did with Ben. Like they were two magnets that constantly warred between repelling and absorbing one another. _How much of her feelings toward Ben were because of the bond? Was it all just the Force? Was attraction actually supposed to feel more like the lukewarm interest between her and Devlan?_

Rey had never been attracted to someone before, much less _liked_ them. She’d never been in a relationship or even thought about the possibility of a romantic partner before she very confusedly watched a monster in a mask reveal himself to be just a man. _A very attractive man._ Maybe he just awoke those kinds of feelings in her the same way he woke the Force within her and it was coincidence. 

But how would that explain her reaction to him the last time they were connected? She’d made a fool of herself and cringed at her inability to form a rational sentence, but the touch of his hands on her body, the way she surrendered her space to him automatically… and then she thought that _maybe,_ he had planned to kiss her before they were interrupted. 

  
  


_Would he have?_

_Would she have let him?_

  
  


She’s had an entire week and then some of Devlan’s company and all she has been doing is thinking of Ben. Eventually she will need to come clean with the other Resistance member but she has no idea how to go about letting him down gently or what her real reasoning even is.

_Well that’s what friends are for, right?_

  
  


Rey glanced over at Rose and Tanda who were elbow deep in the engine of Tanda’s X-Wing, both wearing expressions of intense concentration. It was as good a time as any to broach the subject and who knew when all three would be together without Finn or Poe or _Devlan_ around. She dropped down from the crate she’d been daydreaming on and strode toward the women, trying to school her face into something that hid the nerves trying to tug her back.

“Uh, so, hey I was wondering if I could ask you guys about something because you’re both clearly more experienced… I mean, not that you’re _too_ experienced or - nevermind. Anyway, I wanted to ask what it’s like to be with someone? Uh, romantically.”

Rose and Tanda shared a surprised look and Rose approached Rey softly. 

“You want to talk about sex? I guess Jakku probably wasn’t the best place to learn about that…”

“Oh! No, I do know how that works. I meant more like, how did you know you were interested in someone like that?”

Rose relaxed instantly, probably grateful she didn’t need to have _that talk_ in a hangar full of other Resistance crew. She chewed her lip a bit before glancing up sharply with a troubling glint in her playful chocolate eyes.

“Wait, is this about Devlan? Because I really do think you two could build something together. You’re really pretty similar and the sex would definitely be hot!”

Tanda nodded enthusiastically at the mention of hot sex and Rey tried to reign the conversation in before anyone noticed exactly the subject matter the little trio were discussing and tried to eavesdrop.

“Yes and no. He did tell me he was interested in being more than friends, but I meant when I said I’m not really looking for anything. I just was wondering I guess what it feels like for you with Finn and Poe?”

“Well, honestly at first I didn’t like Finn at all - I had to shock him to keep him from flying off in an escape pod! We went through all that crap together on Canto Bight and on the _Supremacy_ with that bantha’s ass codebreaker and almost got executed… and on Crait… he would have fought to the death against the First Order. I told him he wasn’t fighting the right way, but I saw the brave, _good_ man I had heard all those stories about. He just needed something to fight for, you know? That’s when I knew I loved him.”

The wistful expression on Rose’s face made a tiny pang of jealousy shoot through Rey - not that she wasn’t genuinely happy for her friends finding love with each other. Tanda broke up the sudden serious mood and grinned devilishly at them both.

“Ok, well, my story isn’t as uh, noble, as all that. I just saw that gorgeous flyboy showing off in his X-Wing a few weeks after I got here and asked BB-8 how to get into his… cockpit. BB told Poe I was asking for lessons, which he promptly conceded I absolutely did not need when I nearly made him lose his breakfast in flight training the next day. Boom, feelings.”

All three women instantly keeled over with laughter at the memory of a very green Poe being trailed around by an equally off-kilter astromech for the better part of a day. He had been completely smitten after that, openly declaring his devotion for the woman who had so thoroughly bested him. It was all very romantic, even if their relationship seemed much more playful than the sickening sweetness of Rose and Finn’s. Rey pictured poor BB-8’s wobbling again and started snorting when she remembered how he had been forced to use his grappling spike launcher to steady himself in the corridors too.

“I still have no idea how you did that; I’ve seen him do dozens of barrel rolls in a row but never that quickly! Made me queasy just watching! BB-8’s optical sensor even _looked_ sick.”

Their giggles died down after a few moments and Rose’s expression turned serious once again.

“Anyway, I don’t know if that answered your question but it was like… a switch was flicked or something and I just couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, you know? Like my heart already made the choice before my head caught up. Sorry if that doesn’t help much.”

The truth was, it _did_ help… but it also made things worse. Rey could deny it to herself and others all she wanted, but even her rational mind was struggling to accept her heart’s choices. She stared at both her friends’ faces, wondering if there was a world where they would remain friends if they knew exactly _who_ she was thinking about.

The telltale whir of an astromech on a mission entered the hangar which caused Tanda to outright guffaw.

“Speak of the little devil!” BB-8 eyed her curiously before rolling over to beg attention from Rey. She readily obliged and leaned down to work the kinks out of his already perfectly straight antennae while he beeped happily at her feet. While Poe was clearly the little droid’s favorite, Rey would always be a close second for saving him from the First Order on Jakku and Takodana. 

“Oh I see, Poe wants to schedule an important meeting with all of us? When? Now?” The droid beeped affirmatively and started to roll back toward the interior rooms of the base, head swiveling repeatedly to make sure the trio was following. When they reached the largest conference room, they were surprised to see a dozen other Resistance members already chatting animatedly amongst themselves. 

“Finn! Dare I ask what Poe has up his sleeve this time?” The former stormtrooper turned and beamed at the sound of his girlfriend’s voice and pulled Rose into a quick kiss that got several hoots from around the room. He waved them off and leaned closer to whisper conspiratorially.

“Word is he got wind of a huge First Order supply shuttle that is going to be basically unguarded on a nearby planet. The planet is supposed to have nothing but an agricultural population so they don’t think they need as much protection.”

Tanda seemed less than impressed and pushed for more information.

“And this is interesting to Poe because…?”

“The supply shuttle is supposed to be full of -”

“- medical supplies! Brand new technology, droids, bacta tanks, the works!” Poe finished the statement with a massive grin plastered across his face and his arms outstretched.

  
  


“So you want us to steal those supplies from the people that live on that planet?” Rey asked incredulously.

“Nope. That’s the best part, the shuttle is only stopping to pick up food supplies on their way to drop off all that other stuff to one of their outposts a few systems away. If we play our cards right with this we can get away with more equipment than we’d get in _years_ and months worth of _real_ fresh food.”

Rey’s mouth watered at the mention of actual food and she glanced up to see Tanda had the exact same hungry expression. _Real, not from portions or rations or cans or rehydrated goop._ That thought alone almost made Rey agree that Poe might be onto something. 

“Alright, you have our attention, _Commander.”_ Tanda purred, causing Poe to puff out his chest just a little more than normal.

  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


The plan was simple enough. Jovan was a short distance from their base on Thila, so they could arrive on short notice once Poe’s informer gave the word. According to the source, the massive supply shuttle would only be accompanied by two squads of ten stormtroopers, an officer and two pilots. Easy odds for the dozen Resistance soldiers - especially with a _Jedi_ onboard. The transfer of food goods would take at least a few hours and Poe anticipated that they’d be able to take control of the entire shuttle, strand the crew, jump to hyperspace, disable any trackers, and jump again - arriving on base with much needed supplies and a new ship with potential information they could use against the First Order.

  
  


Easy enough, right?

Rey was crouching behind one of the storage facilities, waiting for the signal from Finn. So far everything had gone to plan and Poe’s information was spot on. She spent the seconds imagining all the juicy ripe fruit she’d be sinking her teeth into for _months_. Imagining the weight in her hands, the sweet nectar on her tongue, the distinct smell of mint and ozone and 

_Wait._

  
  


She whipped around as silently as possible to confirm that Ben had finally appeared, but at one of the worst possible times. She couldn’t be distracted during a mission and the way he was standing before her looking impossibly broad and dark and terrifyingly handsome absolutely qualified as a distraction.

“I can’t talk right now, I’m… I’m in the middle of something.” She watched him peer around her, trying to assess her surroundings and what she might be referring to. His footsteps made no impressions in the dirt as he stalked a short distance away to observe the shuttle in the distance. _Shit, could he make it out?_

“Where are you, Rey?” She shook her head. The sudden sound of boots marching closer made her shove his body to press against the wall of the facility and she quickly clasped one hand over his mouth. She held her own breath while the troopers passed and realized he was chuckling against her palm. The contact made her hand tingle and she moved to pull her wrist back to her side but he grasped it in his much larger leather clad grip, holding it prisoner against his chest. 

“I’m fairly confident they can’t see or hear me.”

“Well, we don’t know that for sure!”

His gaze turned into something ugly and burning.

“If they could then your _boyfriend_ certainly would have noticed. Tell me, how does he feel about you letting _Kylo Ren_ touch you like this?”

_Jealousy… how could he be jealous? Everything between them... **he felt it too**._

“He’s not my boyfriend and I’m not letting _Kylo Ren_ touch me.” 

He started to scoff but she held up her other hand to press against his cheek, trying to absorb some of the fire in his eyes. Decision made, she leaned closer.

“I’m letting _Ben Solo.”_

She took advantage of his stunned expression to rise up on her toes and press her lips against his. He responded immediately, releasing her wrist to grab her around the waist and pull her up his body. _Not close enough!_ She slid her hands to tangle in his thick waves and keep him pressed against her, earning a growl from deep in his chest. His lips moved over hers with raw unabashed hunger and she burned with the _want_ of it - she wanted to be utterly devoured and he was _too far away_ -

“Rey! Your comm ok? We’re almost ready to move!” The sudden interruption caused her to jump back from the man she’d just been _way too close_ to and she tried to ignore the startling beauty in his mussed hair and swollen lips as she responded just a bit too chipper.

”Oh, uh, yes! Just a little, uh, technical problem!”

  
Ben observed her like he was warring with himself over something, like the words were just barely contained behind his teeth.

“Tell me where you are. I.. I can get in my _Silencer_ -”

“I can’t. You can’t.” She turned away to rub her eyes, begging the frustrated tears to stay contained. 

“Please, at least tell me you’re safe. I’m in the Arkanis sector, I mean it when I say I’d get in my shuttle right now.”

He looked so determined, even desperate for her to say yes - yes to being safe… yes to letting him come to her. Her heart jumped at the possibility and she had to steel herself against it.

“I’m on Jovan. We’re worlds apart, Ben.” She sighed deeply, knowing he would understand she meant that they weren’t just _physically_ so far apart.

But at the mention of the planet, his face instantly fell and he reached out to grab both her arms.

“Wait, what are you doing on Jovan? Rey, you need to leave. Grab your Resistance friends and get off world, _now!”_

“What? We need the supplies - I know it’s stealing from the First Order and all but you guys steal from everyone and there’s only two squads-”

“No! _Listen to me!_ Hux is going to be there any minute - he’s checking on supply routes in the outer rim and he has two _garrisons_ with him -”

  
  
  
  


Whatever else he was going to say was lost in the sound of a First Order heavy cruiser breaking atmosphere.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Chapter 9

Kylo stared at Rey, who seemed to be frozen in place. It was too late to run and try as she might, her fingers seemed to be shaking too much to activate her comm unit. He knew what would happen if Hux found her like this.

He had already shown he would save her every time and if he was already a traitor, there was no reason to stop now. He pulled out his own comm unit and switched it on.

“General Hux! You will return to the fleet at once.”

“Supreme Leader, I don’t believe that is wise, there appears to be an unauthorized craft on the planet Jovan - it may be the Resistance scum. With your permission, I will send a garrison -”

“Denied. An entire garrison for one ship? An impressive waste of resources, perhaps we need to discuss modifying the Stormtrooper program to ensure efficient use of our forces.”

“N-no, that won’t be necessary sir. You are correct, we will return to the Arkanis sector post haste.”

Kylo knew even the slightest mention of his desire to meddle with the program would cause Armitage to completely assent to his orders. He wasn’t entirely uninterested in digging further into his training techniques, but as long as he kept away from Kylo’s own  _ obsessions  _ there was no reason to push the matter yet. Another problem for another time.

No sooner than he clicked his own comm off did Rey’s start to trill incessantly. 

“REY! THERE’S A FIRST ORDER SHIP! WE NEED TO.. to… hey, where are they going?”

They both glanced toward the sky where the heavy cruiser had loomed mere seconds prior. Her comm continued to buzz with Poe’s astonished mumbles.

“I’ll be damned, how lucky is that?! Well I guess now we can get on with the plan!”

That knocked Rey to her senses.  _ He wanted to continue? Of all the idiotic, laserbrained… _

  
She reached for her comm with steady hands to remind him that a close call like that was clearly a warning to thank the Maker and get out but Finn beat her to it. 

“Oh no! Nuh uh, we need to get out of here. All these troopers are on edge now and who knows if that ship is coming back. This mission is too dangerous now, Poe, and you know it!”

The unit went silent for too many long minutes while Poe conferred with himself and then crackled back to life with his heavy sigh on the other end.

“Alright guys, let’s stay unseen and get back to the shuttle in one piece.”

Kylo thought for certain that Rey would take off immediately at the promise of safety, but she hesitated, shuffling awkwardly on her feet.

“Are you-”

That was as far as he got before his arms were full of Rey. She clutched him tightly and peppered fierce little pecks all over his face until he nearly dropped her and the kisses slowed to become something softer, more gentle. 

“Thank you.” The words were spoken with shining eyes and he knew he needed to be the one to push her to leave even though he desperately wanted to stay in this little stolen moment with her. Something had shifted between them when she crossed that line they’d both been toying with over the last few months. He wanted to cross it again but the reality of her delay potentially putting her in further danger helped reign in his baser interests. Slightly.

“C’mon  _ Jedi! _ Everyone else is already back and we’re ready to get out of here!”

They couldn’t ignore her summons any longer and Kylo very reluctantly let her slip slowly to the ground before detangling from Rey completely. He saw the apology in her eyes and shook his head.

“I know; it’s alright. You need to go.” He reached out to squeeze one of her hands reassuringly and forced his voice to stay strong and sure. Her eyes roved over his face as if trying to sense his emotions more clearly until she finally let out a defeated sigh.

“Yea, yea, you’re right. Ok. I’ll… see you soon?”

“As soon as the Force lets me, I’ll be there, sweetheart.”

She broke into a brilliant dazzling smile at the pet name and Kylo watched her take one last look before abruptly pivoting on her heel and taking off toward wherever the Resistance ship must have been hidden. He watched her until her form faded away and he was once again left alone in his quarters wondering what in the stars he was going to use as his excuse to call Hux back so abruptly.

  
  
  


…. 

  
  
  


Rey rounded the tree-lined area covering their shuttle to the sound of raised voices and Tanda and Poe both looking exasperated. Poe spotted her first and a brief touch of relief crossed his features before he began scowling again.

“Hey! We were just about to come looking for you but we got a little distracted with Pava apparently taking a nap during a  _ kriffing mission _ ! Apparently Tanda didn’t think it was important enough to wake her up!”

“Am I her keeper? I had my own post to be at and she was already asleep when I got back here! There was no reason to wake her if we were all just about to leave anyway! Wake her up and take it up with her, not me!” Tanda threw up her arms in annoyance and rolled her eyes. Poe responded in an equally frustrated way and threw his head back to let out an annoyed groan.

“I’m kind of shocked you two screaming at each other hasn’t done it already. Usually she’s up like a shot.” Finn seemed to be trying to ignore the lover’s quarrel as best as he could while being forced to remain in the same space. 

Rey frowned. That _ was _ unusual. Jessika Pava was always up bright and early - the woman didn’t even drink caf and she certainly wasn’t known to slack around on missions, even the ‘easy’ ones. She ignored the continued squabbling between her friends and cautiously approached the sleeping woman. 

It quickly became apparent that something was wrong. She was pale, with dark circles under her eyes and her breathing was coming in short raspy breaths. Whatever she had encountered on the planet was having a clear negative physical effect on her. Jessika didn’t stir at the feel of Rey’s hand on her shoulder and her skin felt alarmingly cold to the touch. 

“I-I think there’s something wrong. Like, really wrong. We should get her back to Dr. Kalonia as fast as we can. She really doesn’t look good at all.”

The other Resistance members turned to look at their fellow soldiers with concern, shock coloring their faces when they looked closer at the woman they assumed was just sleeping in the line of duty. Poe visibly gulped and he and Tanda nodded toward one another quickly prior to rushing toward the cockpit. Rose grabbed a heavyweight blanket to tuck around Jess and sat down heavily next to her and Rey hoped she could feel some comfort and warmth from her body through whatever was happening to her.

Dozens of possibilities ran through her mind as they sped back to base.  _ Had she encountered a local who defended themselves? Poison plants? Some kind of animal or insect bite? Did she eat something? Did she have an illness they didn’t know about? Were the locals growing anything dangerous? Maybe the First Order supply ship was carrying a weapon or gas or poison? _

Whatever it was, the Resistance needed to find out fast or even the simplest future missions with any potential First Order contact would need to be put on hold - meaning any dreams of new medical equipment or fresh food were once again out of reach. Rey just hoped they would be able to find out before anyone else was hurt… and if it was the First Order, it meant she needed to ask Ben.

  
  
  


….

  
  
  
  


By the time they arrived back to base, Jessika looked much,  _ much  _ worse. They had radioed ahead to make sure Dr. Kalonia could meet them in the hangar and found both her and Leia waiting for them as they touched down. 

“Dear, dear. Hmm, alright, quickly now let’s get her over to the medbay.” Dr. Kalonia peered into both of the nearly comatose woman’s eyes and muttered at the lack of reactions from her body. Rey winced at the reminder of the poor excuse for a medical treatment facility. They all knew that their medical supplies were sorely depleted and their failure to return with a single crate of anything to add was just another weight they had to carry along with bringing back an ill comrade. 

Leia swept forward to pull Poe aside and rush him toward the nearest conference room to discuss everything that had occurred over the last few hours. He looked stunned, even sheepish as he was led away and Rey did not envy being in his shoes trying to explain how his mission went so spectacularly wrong to the formidable General.

Rey needed to get out of the hangar. The air around them was too heavy and she heard the murmurs of people wondering what had gone so wrong on such a supposedly easy mission that even their  _ Jedi _ hadn’t made a difference. She felt the anger, the annoyance that she hadn’t magically single-handedly taken on the First Order yet like the  _ brave  _ legendary Luke Skywalker. She didn’t care how shameful she appeared rushing out of the hangar. She needed to breathe in the uncritical green of the planet and stop feeling so helpless but her mind kept turning over their quiet accusations.

_ They were right, weren’t they? She hadn’t done anything. If not for Ben they could have not come back at all. She panicked under the pressure just like she had when she was drowning in a freezing lake in the middle of the night! His first instinct was probably to reach out to the Force and hers was… to freeze. She barely understood the Jedi texts and didn’t even have a working lightsaber. There was nothing she could do to fix any of it unless she found a way to... Wait! Maybe she could heal Jessika with the Force! _

Rey dashed back toward base and off toward the little storage room that was serving as their medical unit with a renewed sense of purpose. _Finally, something to show that their Jedi was actually useful!_ _She could do this!_ She slapped the control panel and burst into the room with a wide grin.

  
  


Only to be met by three faces marred with sorrow. Her face fell as she took in the state of the room and the empty packages and syringes surrounding the disturbingly still form on the table.   
  


  
  
  



End file.
